Six Feet Underground

Sometimes id rather be lookin up than down
At this grass beneath my feet

Those words eat
Like maggots crawling and devouring every inch
Digging deeper into the soul

Its not long til its gone
The first sting is all that lasts

Build a wall
You’ll feel safe
In your hate
In your pain

It cant be won
This monstrosity of a game
Its tortuous
Its life

Corroded minds feast on hurting others
But its ok
You tell yourself its ok
Bleeding on the inside
Past the physical
Straight through the mental
Into the emotions
Into the feeling

Tear up
Stand up
Walk right on out
There’s no reason to stay
Except to give way
To more bitter pain
More foolish games

The Truth About Facebook

I just read this article about facebook.com. Whether or not you have an account, with as many people signed onto this site, you may want to check this out. I thought it to be both interesting and eye-opening.

Facebook Article

Today is April Fool's day and I have yet to be fooled or to fool anyone else. Last year I devised several plans to really nail people but unfortunately, I have forgotten most of them. The ones I remember either aren't worth the trouble or seem uninteresting now. So far it's been quite dull really.

Although, I am running for prom queen.

And the college is not...

After spending hours  over several stacks of paper, I finally know my admission status at all of the schools I applied to. The first four I heard back from were all acceptance letters. Embry-Riddle Aeronautical Engineering University, Pensacola Christian College, Bob Jones University, and Norwich University.

My application to the University of South Carolina was cancelled. Yes, cancelled. The letter I received stated that my application was not completed before the deadline and was thus cancelled. However, I did have all of my stuff in ahead of time. There was some error on their part because the week before the deadline, I checked my application status on the web and it was complete. Now that they have reviewed everyones applications, even if I get everything straightened out, the earliest I could start at USC is 2010.

Duke University had almost 24,000 applicants this year. Did you see that number?? 24 Thousand! That's a lot. With only a 6% admissions rate (less than the service academies), students who would have without a doubt made it into Duke last year or the year before didn't get in this year. Students like me. 

The one we've all been waiting for, the school I know without a doubt is where I am supposed to go, the college that is best suited for me, The United States Air Force Academy. I obtained a nomination from Joe Wilson, Jim DeMint, Lindsay Graham, and my schools JROTC Senior Army Instructor. Sunday afternoon, soon after I arrived home from the SC FCA State Retreat in Garden City, I opened a letter from the Air Force. Sitting in an '07 orange Honda Accord, I read aloud the words "We regret". Silently I finished reading the sentence in my head. I didn't get in. I didn't make it. And after everything I had done to prepare for it, as much as I wanted it, as much as I had put into it, my first thought was "Well, now I don't have to retake the physical fitness test tomorrow." Just like that. 

So as far as next year goes, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I'm thinking maybe attending Norwich for a year and then reapplying to the academy. Norwich is a military college up north in Vermont. It costs almost $30,000 a year but I was offered a full AFROTC scholarship. Only one person can get that at each school with AFROTC and they chose me. I was supposed to sign and send back a letter that was mailed to me soon after hearing I had been chosen to let them know if I would accept the offer. I remembered this on March 23 after receiving a voice mail from the AFROTC commander up at Norwich. I went to my room to retrieve the letter and to my horror read in bold print "Must be returned no later than March 19, 2009." So I mailed it the next day anyway. I'm still waiting to hear back about it. Without that, I do have about $20,000 paid for in private scholarships at the school. But then I still have almost $10,000 owed.

Embry-Riddle sent me a statement informing me that I qualify for the highest amount of Government funding. Including loans (which I do not intend on getting) I would receive no more than $7,000 for an education costing nearly $40,000 a year. Not very promising.

I have yet to figure out exactly what I'm going to be doing with my life or even merely just the next 365 days of it. 

Air Force Academy Question #3

3. Describe a setback or an ethical dilemma you faced and how you overcame it. What was the outcome? If another situation like it comes up in the future, how would you face it? (400-500 words 3,000 characters max)
A major setback in life for me has been my living situation. According to statistics, the kids whose parents are married and live together, have the greatest income, and the highest education are the ones who are most likely to score high on standardized testing and have the best grades. In general these are the people who finish college and become "successful" according to society. I come from a home that is neither wealthy nor well educated. Neither parent graduated from high school and my parents were never married, nor do they live together now. The chaos of my home was something that many individuals would shake their head at and take pity on me. I have no use for their pity or head shaking. I only have use for their wisdom and advice. Where can I go from here? How can I become successful? First I had to define what success meant to me, which required setting goals and aspirations. Along with goals, I defined morals for myself. Doing this set me apart from most teenagers. It made me have higher standards for myself and brought me to a realization that I and I alone am responsible for my own actions. I am accountable for everything I do or fail to do. Once I layed out my personal goals, both long term and short term, I began to develop ways to achieve them. For short term goals such as being on the honor roll, graduating from high school, and becoming the battalion commander of JROTC, the answer to my main question of “How do I reach this goal?” was simple: work hard. For my long term goals of going to college, obtaining a bachelor’s degree, and becoming a better person all around, the answer to my question must be expanded upon. There was no doubt that hard work is key. It is a very important factor in any aspect of life. However, there is so much more to be looked at when it comes to making decisions in the long run, such as which college to attend. I did a lot of research and gained information about options for my future. I looked on the internet, read books, and talked to people with experience; those who have already achieved the goals I am working toward. I plan on continuing to seek out wisdom and gain understanding for all of my upcoming decisions. I will be the best at whatever I do because I have made that decision and put the words to action. My life will not be one of pity but one of accomplishment, of success.